Ellarya, Ella for short, the witch

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Name: Ellyarya Black

Age: 17

Gender: female

Eye Color: Brown(obviously seen in the picture)

Hair: in picture, long and wavy

Skin Color: white

Height: 5'7

Physical Description: Ella has beautiful long and curly brown hair. Her cheek bones are elegant and round. Her skin is a light brown( tan color) and her eyes are black. She has no scars or any markings besides a cresent moon on her left shoulder. Her expressions seem to be charming at the same time evil and suspicous. She wears lots of corset dress and jewlry, one outfit she is regonized by. Her yelled corset dress, that's strapless and a little above the knee is her ritual outfit, you'll catch her in that.
Personality: Ella is cold girl, after the death of her sisters all she has done is get revenge. She is very vengeful and very charming also, but befriend her and she may be as sweet as she looks.

Type of Creature: Witch

Parentage: Caretta Black and her father is unknown, from what she knows his name is Carlton

Realm of Origin: she was born in Caligo but now lives in Paludem

Animal Companion(Optional): None at all, she could never decide watching and helping each one, a day

Talents: Skilled witch and cooking

Weapon*: a silver blade which kills monsters

Flaws**: She can be selfish, rude, acts before she thinks

Powers(Must relate to godly parent; Optional): Her witch abilities are strong. Most of it effects supernatural creatures, such as the wolf and vampire, she can somehow scrabble their brain and shoot pain through their bodies, that’s a power that can only be used on wolves and vampire, limited to five times a day she can send it through five people at once. She can heal, very fast limited to five times a day, she can also do spells which comes out her book, most of them involving rituals. One very important spell is summoning shadow like people who fight for her there’s only too and it takes up a lot of power so it’s limited to once. The rest in of the spells are in her book, they are most are meant for bringing people back to as spirits others include ways to help people, there are a lot of spells in her book. Another powerful is to make someone a hologram, have them appear somewheres and say what they'd like, limited to two times

Backstory*: In Caligo, her mom was a powerful witch. In her family history all the women were witches, unlike the men who were just mortals. Growing up, her mom taught her three older sisters a lot, and soon her. Ella was last born of the five children, her brother being the only non-witch in the family; he was also the one who told on them. Everyone expects a witch to be ugly, and old. But they weren't, blending in with the people as beautiful women with power. Her brother was jealous and told, her mom was already dead before it happened and her sisters were hanged. How she escaped what because of the help of her sisters, using all there power they made her vanish into a different realm known as Paludem, staying hidden, Ella lived in the woods , building herself a house, she was never known. Keeping a very low profile and promising revenge for her sisters.

Role-play Example*: There was no use, of fighting her. As the soldiers pointed guns as Ella, there was just no use, easily she turned the guns against them, and she smiled." Never underestimate a girl like me; it wouldn't make a difference if ten of you approached me." She was bluffing she wasn't that strong. But they didn't know that. How Ella was still learning and teaching herself. But she would never tell, it was her secret and her secret only.

"Please, fair witch, let us go." One of them struggled to speak; her head turned quickly the soldier’s direction.

"Oh, so now I'm fair? Ii believe just a second ago you were pointing a gun at my head." She laughed. Fair. It wasn't eve her title and he knew it. She looked him in the eye.

"I'm a witch, not a pixie. I do not take such kind words like fair, well. Because I do know you mean nothing of what you said." She looked him in the eye." And I may let you go on one condition, do NOT, try to find me. Do not." And before she let go she made sure she was far away as possible.

Any notes about your characters:

Please read over this carefully and correct her sheet please.



Eye Color: in picture (this does not work…we can’t tell her eye color from the picture)

Physical Description: Not what she is wearing…what is her build? Is she strong? Is she fat? Does she have scars? Does she have some injury etc.?)

Personality: (re write please… change the comma after ‘girl’ to a period…capitalize the ‘a’ in after…change ‘revengeful’ to ‘vengeful’…move ‘also’ right after the ‘and’… delete the comma before ‘but’…delete ‘but’ and replace ‘friend’ with ‘Befriend’…)

Type of Creature: (witch is not a type of creature…humans, elves, dwarves etc. are creatures….witch is like a class…kind of like paladin or barbarian etc.)

Animal Companion(Optional): (just put N/A or none…)

Talents: Being a skilled witch is not a talent…please choose another…also, im not sure you really want to make cooking a talent…

Weapon*: Any blade can kill monsters…is there some other significance of the weapon? Please describe what kind of weapon this is. Sword (specify type), dagger, spear? All of those could have a silver blade…

Flaws**: change ‘says before she thinks’ to “acts before thinking”

Powers(Must relate to godly parent; Optional):

Regular witchcraft is not a power…please describe it better…aren’t shields and force fields the same thing? What do you mean ‘manipulate powers’? Darth Vader uses force choke…it was not technically something used to specifically cause pain…so, if the power is choke…then from how far can she choke someone and how strong is it’s effect? How long and how many times can she use her powers? Are there any limits to her powers?

Backstory*:

In Caligo, Ella’s mom was a powerful witch. She had many people in her family who happned to be witches as well. Growing up, her mom taught her three older sisters a lot, and, when the time came, she taught Ella as well. Ella was last born of the five children, her brother being the only non-witch in the family; he was also the one who ferreted them out in the end. Everyone expects a witch to be ugly, and old. But Ella and her family didn’t fit this description. They blended in with the people as beautiful women who had lots power. Her brother was jealous and revealed their secret. Ella’s mom was already dead before he revealed the secret and her sisters were hanged for being witches. Ella escaped with the help of her sisters. Using all there powers, they made her vanish into the realm known as Paludem. Staying hidden, Ella lived in the woods, building herself a house. No one knew her there. She kept a low profile and promised revenge for the death of her sisters.

Roleplay Example*:

There was no use, of fighting her. The soldiers had surrounded Ella and had their crossbows trained on her. She smiled and convinced them to point their weapons away from her.

(What power is she using? Can she control minds or something?)

“Never underestimate a girl like me; it wouldn't make a difference if ten of you tried to catch me." She was bluffing. She wasn't that strong. But they didn't know that. Ella was still learning and teaching herself. But she would never tell anyone that she was still learning…it was her secret and her secret alone.

"Please, fair witch, let us go." One of them struggled to speak. She looked at him.

"Oh, so now I'm fair? I believe just a second ago you were pointing a crossbow at my head." She laughed. Fair. It wasn't ever her title and he knew it. She looked him in the eye.

"I'm a witch, not a pixie. I do not take such kind words like fair, well. Because I do know you mean nothing of what you said." She looked him in the eye." And I may let you go on one condition, do NOT, try to find me. Do not." And before she let go she made sure she was far away as possible.

Any notes about your characters:

Uh....... The whole point of a picture. So I wouldn't have to describe her looks, I've never heard of any other witch besides a human witch, but I'll edit that. And wow that's just.........W-O-W.

What??

Lol in my opinion you beat Wolfie in the grammar Nazi contest.

Oh, well then....

SCORE ONE FOR THE BLUEJAY!!

Anywho, hope you don't mind the insane amount of grammar stuff i picked out...

edited

You did not correct all of the things i asked you to.

Please go back and reread my original critiques...

Eye color, physical description, animal companion, type of creature, talents, weapon, flaws, powers, backstory, and RP examples ALL need to be corrected.


Powers:

You cannot bring back the dead.

What is a "witch ability"?

Scrambling the brains of ten people sounds like a lot. Please make it five.

Note* she can make a hologram...but remember, holograms are just that, holograms...they cannot harm or help anyone physically, they cannot pick up or move objects....they are simply images...

Saying she has a spell book with lots of powers is not an acceptable power.

Okay I will edit the powers but the picture is where all her looks are, I will say her eye color but the rest is in the photo.

Sorry, Apollo, but pretend for a moment that there is no photo or that it suddenly just dies in a hole. Just pretend, okay? Describe her as if there was no photo and you just had to rely upon your words. It helps us a lot, believe me, if there is a written description. Thank you.

edited.

A silver blade, eh? Well, what kind of blade is this? How long is it? How thick is her blade where it joins the hilt? Is it pure silver? Silver is a relatively weak metal, so I suggest that you make it a mixture with another metal so that it can be of use to her.

Do you mean that she recovers quickly from wounds or that she can heal others in a short amount of time? If the former, how please tell us how long it usually takes her to recover from serious and minor wounds.
When you say that she can summon shadow people, what do you mean by that? What are they? How long do they fight for her? Do they have a choice in the matter?
Bringing back the dead is not an acceptable power, but summoning spirits for a short amount of time for the purposes of communication is. How many times a day can she do this? How does it effect her? How do the spirits react when summoned? Bear in mind: As a spirit, they have no power in the mortal world and are powerless to return to their own realm unless she dismisses them. Please have her be responsible with this power.
What is the nature of the spells in her spell book? For help with making a with character, please take a look at Merthissa in my signature {click on his name to bring up the link} to find what it is that we are accepting.
The hologram power is a no.

Who did her brother inform to about she and her sisters being witches? How old was her brother was what was her relationship to him? Friendly or hostile? Truce or opponents? How long had her brother resented them? What was his name and her sisters? What happened to her father? How did her mother die? Please be more specific in how they made her escape. You have quite a lot of grammatical errors in your Backstory paragraph, so I suggest you go through it carefully so that there is no confusion. How did she react at suddenly finding herself in a different realm, and Paludem at that?